Any guy (or girl) that you have to build like a project is a timewaster waiting to happen. You cannot change anyone or make them want anything they dont want for themselves. You are not their parent or their keeper. Yes, real love inspires you and can motivate you, but there has to be motivation from within. If you want to build something cute, go to the Buildabear store and make a cute stuffed animal. Sure theyre expensive, but not as expensive as one in human form. Below is a list of signs of a human Buildabear. There are probably more, but these are a great place to start.
BUILDABEAR RED FLAGS
- No job. Even if they lost their good job they had for 10 years, they should be on Indeed.com not OkCupid until they get another one.
- No car. Even if someone moves from an area like NYC where it doesnt make sense to own a car, itll take 2 weeks tops to realize where they moved to isnt NYC and the public transport is probably spotty in comparison. It can leave them spending large swaths of their day waiting for the next bus which is a monumental waste of time. Ubering everywhere you need to go would add up fast. You are not “moms taxi” either.
- Doesnt have their own place. Im not talking about 2 friends or cousins sharing an apartment to save money. Im talking about someone who lives w their parents (not the other way around) or who couch surfs. A couch surfer is basically homeless w generous people in their life. If they have their own place and can afford it themselves, they wont be dating you for your place.
- Dating a drug dealer as a homeowner is not a good idea bc of civil asset forfeiture. Its a stupid law. Its a predatory law. But sadly I dont see it going anywhere soon. You can lose your place if they get caught even if you were never charged with a crime yourself. Guilty by association and the burden of “I had no idea” is on you to prove in this case. I dont know of any drug dealer that can replace the house they caused their partner to lose after they get out of jail. Unless hes El Chapo lol.
- No one in a halfway house, probation/parole, or anyone who JUST got home. Again, people make mistakes. Shit does happen. But then is the time to “build back better”, not worry about a relationship. There are companies that will hire people with felonies. They should find one or two and get a job or two and get on their feet first. I dont care what someone did 20 years ago, Im talking recent stuff.
- Someone recently divorced or in the midst of a divorce usually isnt emotionally available to a new person. Breaking up can be painful. Such a person needs to heal, Otherwise the risk of rebound is high.
- Anyone addicted to alcohol or heavy drugs. Weed is ok as long as they are functioning potheads, but anything else can affect other areas in their life. They should get clean and try to address what started their addiction first.
…basically if its going to add chaos, drama, heartache and extra bills to your life….issa buildabear.
Also “the laugh test”. Can you say youre w this person to someone who knows your dating history without either of you laughing? Is this the start of a new path or just more of the same?