The phrase “self love” has become a common and sometimes misunderstood buzzword today. You mightve heard of it, or heard the phrase “you must love yourself before you can love another” or something along those lines. Here I will explain what self love is, what it isnt, and why its so important to have. If this is all new to you, dont worry. Its never too late to learn how how to love yourself. Personally I was 19 when I first even heard the term ever. Lets get started!
💖What is it?💖
Webster Dictionary online defines self love as “an appreciation of ones own worth or virtue, a proper regard for ones own happiness or wellbeing”. In simpler terms, its knowing you’re the sht and not allowing buffoonery in your life. A wise person once told me “The amount of BS in your life is directly proportional to what you allow.” When you love yourself, you set boundaries with people in your life. Boundaries are nothing to feel guilty about, they do not make you an asshle or a b*tch and anyone who tries to make you feel like they do only benefitted from you not having any. Dont feel guilty about telling them to kick rocks. In fact, youre better off doing exactly that. Protect yourself and your peace with the same fervor youd protect your very best friend if they were being threatened or in trouble.
Self love is appreciating who you are and your own unique brand of magic. Learn your magic and LOVE your magic. There never has been and never will be another YOU. You have your own vibe and magic that no one else has, and trust me, there are people that love you for it even if they dont make it known. It is seeing and loving your many good qualities and accepting and even embracing your flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all learning as we go. Extend yourself some grace, its your first time on this path. See yourself in the same regard you would someone you love, like your best friend or a close family member. Youre probably quick to forgive and overlook their shortcomings-you deserve the same benefit of the doubt you give them.
Self love is self discipline. It is telling yourself no when needed, and it is making healthy and strong decisions on your own behalf even when its hard. It is taking care of your physical body-eating healthy, getting regular exercise, not smoking cigarettes or doing heavy drugs and drinking in only moderation. It is taking care of your mental state. Say yes when you mean yes. Say no when you mean no. Rest when you need to, but then get back up and get back to it. It is holding yourself accountable for when you make mistakes, and also to follow through on things, ie integrity. (Trust me, the older you get, the sexier integrity is on someone else. Idc if youre into men, women or barns lol.) It is asking for and accepting help when you need it. Therapy is not for the weak or f*cked up, btw. If you think you need it, go! If that particular therapist doesnt jive with you or makes you feel worse about yourself, look for another one. Its simply going to the doctor when something is wrong. Self love in a way, is self parenting. We make our kids eat their veggies and do their homework for their own benefit even when they dont want to and they thank us for it later. Apply the same deal to yourself.
💖What its not💖
Unfortunately self love sometimes has a negative connotation bc its confused with narcissism, which isnt self love at all. True narcissists suffer from a crippling lack of self esteem, hence all the bravado and need for the spotlight. “The bigger the front, the bigger the back”.
Self love is not conceit or thinking youre better than anyone else. We are all different flowers, we all bloom differently and at different times. When you love yourself, you dont need to put others down, mentally or out loud, to make yourself feel better. You already know youre the sht and realize others can also be the sht in their own way.
Self love is not the same as selfishness. In fact, they are opposites. Selfishness comes from a place of fear and lack and comes at the expense of others. To set boundaries with yourself and others, to value who you are, is not selfish. Nor does it come at anyones expense. Again, the people in your life that dont like your boundaries only benefitted from you not having any and youre better off without them. You can have high self esteem and still be a very generous, caring, loving person. However, you cant pour from an empty cup. We best serve others and bring our best selves to the table when we are full ourselves. We must learn to fill our own cups up, which leads me to my last point…
💖Why is it so important💖
Self love is so important because we are gonna be living in these bodies for a long time, like decades. And let me tell you a secret–aint nobody coming to save us. There is no knight on a white horse that will gallop into our lives and save us from our past, our demons, and solve all our problems. Life doesnt work that way. We must be our OWN night in shining armor. We are responsible for saving ourselves in this life. You’ll hear this again–our wellbeing is our own responsibility. No one elses. Sure, you will have people who love and support you along the way, but you are still responsible for yourself and your life at the end of the day. Self love keeps us out of sh*tty relationships and friendships. Self love keeps us out of all kinds of trouble. Self love keeps us from being easily led. Self love can even save our lives, literally. When you love yourself and understand what an amazing creature you are, and that you DO have the right to be here, your threshold for BS plummets. And this is a good thing.
💖Conclusion💖
If all of this is new or daunting to you, fear not. Youre hearing it now, and now is just as good of a time as any to start. Like I said before, I didnt even know what the term was until I was 19. And best believe, I did not love myself. Its never too late to learn, and like learning anything, you get better with practice. Be easy and patient with yourself as you go, youll get there. Take baby steps. If you have any questions thats what Im here for! Add me on fb and we can chat.
Love someone who believes in you,
Miss Reina 💖