I know yall heard that one before. “Take it slow” when it comes to relationships. Its pretty cliche, and like a lot of cliches its damn good advice. But do you know why? Let me explain.
Do you know whats lonelier than being single? Being in a relationship with the wrong person. It may sound counterintuitive, that anybody surely is better than nobody, but its not. The wrong relationships range anywhere between “just feels off” to toxic to downright dangerous. Trust me, none of them are fun. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. The right person will make you feel great about yourself and life in general. If the person youre with doesnt do these things, or worse, makes you feel downright WORSE about yourself and life, you need to reevaluate things.**
When we move too fast in a relationship, especially if we move in together too soon, it clouds our judgement and we can easily end up with the wrong person. It becomes harder to end a relationship that is wrong for you once you have invested time, energy, money, and emotions. Breakin up IS hard to do usually in general. A lease, shared pets, or finances should NEVER be part of why you stay with anyone, however, these very things are exactly what keeps a lot of relationships going past their expiration dates. Never be in a relationship you cant afford to get out of. I have seen people (and have been on both sides myself) stay together because one or both couldnt afford to live separately. Such arrangements are not happy ones and both people would be better off if they split. Yall basically just playing house, and it feels empty. If children enter the mix, then splitting up becomes even harder. Time spent with the wrong person is time not being invested in oneself and ultimately time not being able to find someone better suited.
A lot of this can be prevented by taking things slow. Go out on dates that dont end in someones bed for a while. Not because “you shouldn’t”, but so you can get to know this person better. Plus, it is better when you finally do end up doing it if you waited and built up to it. Anticipation. Now, there is nothing wrong with one night stands if that is what you want to do. Be safe, be honest, and have fun. But I do not recommend moving in together on the second date (or sooner than a year, really) Yes Ive done it. After the first date. 0 stars. Do not recommend.
I do understand the allure of moving fast, especially if we are experiencing our first love. Which, in that case I say enjoy it! First love is an experience you will never forget. Also, I get the desire to leave home, and the illusion of comfort taking that step with our partner is. But I ask you to take things slow for your own sake, or “follow your heart but take your head with you.” Heavy on the take your head with you. I also know some of yall havent had all the love you needed in your lives, and it is not your fault. Hugs. However, youre gonna hear me say this a lot, your wellbeing is your responsibility. Fill yourself up with the love you need, dont look for it in other people. No one can make you whole, because you already are whole. You just need to truly know that yourself. But if you came from a broken home, or if your childhood memories are full of being ignored or invalidated–someone showing you even the smallest amount of love can make you climb the walls. I get it. But if its right, it will stand the test of time. Theres no need to rush anything. Haste does make waste, especially in relationships.
** if you have any questions, message me on fb.
Love someone who believes in you,
Miss Reina 💖